I fell in love

I didn’t feel anything for a long time
wasn’t bold enough to cross the drawn line
my mind was bleak and my heart felt empty
i couldn’t smile though the reasons were plenty
i tried everything i could to feel something
maybe falling for someone, dating and dancing.
i wanted to feel the ground beneath my feet
i wanted to feel the smell of the flowers in the breeze
maybe love? maybr hate?
maybe smile ? or atleast break…?
maybe frirndship? maybe peace?
maybe joy that never cease?
But i felt nothing , my mind was bleak
my heart went numb, my emotions leashed….
one day… oh that one day
everything had to change.
walked into the bathroom with a pack of blades
about to put them on my viens and cut them away
that moment , something said wait
a reel , in front of my eyes, began to play.
for the first time ever, i could feel my heart beat
for the first time ever, i started to feel.
for the first time ever, i fell in love
not with the handsome guy that lives next door
not with the boy i met down the street
not with the man , who’s the conversation’s heat.
i fell in love, with my mother.
with the way she holds me everytime i cry, like no other.
i could see how much it would pain her if i leave
why should i break her heart when all she did was love me.
i fell in love, i fell in love with my daddy
with the way he looks at me when i sleep
with the way he puts up a brave face
just to make sure i dont give up in the race .
i saw how much it would hurt him, if i die
he would feel hopeless and call God blind!
why should i make him cry, when all that he did was make me smile ….

for the first time ever, i started to feel.
threw that pack of blades away
because that day i started to heal
and atleast for my parents wanted to stay.

this is the story of how i dived
into a pool of feelings , before i died
mom and dad held me tight
that moment, living never felt more right!